They think he's a righteous dude.

What do you call it when you betray a tree? Treeson.

Sun, 19 May 2013 19:53:06 +1000

What do you call it when you betray a tree? Treeson.

A lesbian couple with two pugs on grand designs are building a house with a wine cellar and pool on...

Sun, 19 May 2013 15:47:48 +1000

A lesbian couple with two pugs on grand designs are building a house with a wine cellar and pool on a Victorian country property. Someone has incepted me, found my 15 year plan and made a show out of it.

confusedtree: Earlier today this one girl was talking about how racism only happens if you’re too...

Sun, 19 May 2013 12:37:40 +1000

confusedtree:

Earlier today this one girl was talking about how racism only happens if you’re too sensitive and that words are just words and that rather than being offended by how dismissive of the experiences of people who deal with racism she was being, you should just be like her and not let it affect you. Then she announced that she was going to smoke a bowl and watch this week’s Game of Thrones and not care about any of this

Having just started A Feast For Crows earlier last week I went ahead and spoiled the next two seasons of Game of Thrones for her but don’t worry! It’s okay, words only have the meaning you give them so she can just conveniently forget who any of the characters are forever and it’ll be fine

"Are you hungry? I have ramen, some musli bars and two cans of lemonade."

Sat, 18 May 2013 22:55:14 +1000

“Are you hungry? I have ramen, some musli bars and two cans of lemonade.”

- Offering someone food earlier.

History always repleats. History is very serious about ironing.

Thu, 16 May 2013 23:41:07 +1000

History always repleats. History is very serious about ironing.

In life I always look out for número uno. My Spanish exchange student. He’s a good guy but...

Thu, 16 May 2013 21:45:00 +1000

In life I always look out for número uno. My Spanish exchange student. He’s a good guy but needs a little help adjusting to a new country.

This is basically what I fear will happen if I ever try to tell...

Thu, 16 May 2013 17:18:45 +1000

This is basically what I fear will happen if I ever try to tell jokes on a stage to people.

I also feel like an asshole when I say I want to be a comedian. Like who am I to think I’m funny enough to get paid to tell jokes. You think you’re better than me? Don’t want to get a real job? Just want to tell your little funnies on a stage?! That’s not how the real world works! Get a job, loser!

After a really weird conversation with the guy at the music store I now know that a metronome is NOT...

Thu, 16 May 2013 15:26:00 +1000

After a really weird conversation with the guy at the music store I now know that a metronome is NOT a really well dressed gnome.

I was practicing bass and got bored because bass is boring and decided to snapchat shitty bass riffs...

Thu, 16 May 2013 14:19:42 +1000

I was practicing bass and got bored because bass is boring and decided to snapchat shitty bass riffs to people but forgot you needed to hold the record button for snapchat so I put my phone on the floor, took my sock off and recorded with my big toe. That’s all well and good but now my right foot is freezing and I can’t remember where I put the sock.

Is “[something whatever] crashes more than the iOS google chrome app” too obscure of a...

Thu, 16 May 2013 12:35:56 +1000

Is “[something whatever] crashes more than the iOS google chrome app” too obscure of a rap lyric?

That ghost joke is a actually a self allegory. I am ghost

Thu, 16 May 2013 10:58:00 +1000

That ghost joke is a actually a self allegory. I am ghost

I don’t believe in ghosts. I mean, I think they exist but I don’t think they can...

Thu, 16 May 2013 10:52:57 +1000

I don’t believe in ghosts. I mean, I think they exist but I don’t think they can accomplish their goals.

A guy who I’m pretty sure used to beat me up in primary school is next to me on the bus....

Thu, 16 May 2013 09:01:00 +1000

A guy who I’m pretty sure used to beat me up in primary school is next to me on the bus. It’s hard to feel smug about being clearly better than him now when I’m unemployed.

Don’t hate me ‘cause you do not like me as a person.

Wed, 15 May 2013 23:58:49 +1000

Don’t hate me ‘cause you do not like me as a person.

"You’re looking very swaggie today. Did you go out?"

Wed, 15 May 2013 18:46:27 +1000

“You’re looking very swaggie today. Did you go out?”

- First thing my sister said to me when she got home.

American accents are so cute. They think they’re doing it right. It’s adorable. Like a...

Wed, 15 May 2013 13:48:33 +1000

American accents are so cute. They think they’re doing it right. It’s adorable. Like a dog standing on its hind legs.

whitepajamas: Bilbo, whoever you hire to paint your front door,...

Tue, 14 May 2013 21:31:19 +1000

whitepajamas:

Bilbo, whoever you hire to paint your front door, you fire them immediately, because they did a worse job than the Taubman’s marketing team.

Whitepajamas just got The Hobbit and it’s everything you’d thought it would be and more.

tardisity: everybody you have ever met came out of a vagina screaming in fear I didn’t....

Tue, 14 May 2013 21:28:32 +1000

tardisity:

everybody you have ever met came out of a vagina screaming in fear

I didn’t. They had to cut me out.

After a month of screw ups Optus finally sent the right new phone. But they forgot the SIM card so I...

Tue, 14 May 2013 15:49:34 +1000

After a month of screw ups Optus finally sent the right new phone. But they forgot the SIM card so I can’t use it and they also cancelled all our phones. I don’t understand how any of this can happen.

I can’t stand vegans. They’re so up themselves and think they’re better than...

Tue, 14 May 2013 12:58:40 +1000

I can’t stand vegans. They’re so up themselves and think they’re better than everyone. I don’t care about your shitty poetry you slug like humanoi- oh no wait I mean Vogons.