December 2011
100 posts
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The Docter recently prescribed me drugs that list...
This is what my mouth has felt like all day
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Spending New Years Eve eating soy ice cream,...
I like to start the year on a low so it can only get better from then on.
My mouse ran out of batteries mid-game so I hit it...
Which was the moment that I realised I should never have children.
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A wasp flew into my room.
Well, time to move out. Anyone looking for a housemate?
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Things I sleep with:
My phone.
My Kindle.
The remote for my fan.
Things I don’t sleep with:
Girls.
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I'm going to find the person who coined the term...
And I’m going to shoot them in the face.
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There was a fire at work this morning.
More specifically in the Deli I was in charge of. Here’s the story: I switched the industrial oven on, put the chickens in and walked away for 5 or so minutes to help someone lift some pallets. When I got back there was smoke filling up the inside of the oven and pouring out the tiny smoke pipe on the top. I opened it to see what the smoke was at the fan at the back of it had caught fire and...
insorto:
according to astronomy, when you wish upon a star
you’re actually a few million years late.
that star is dead
just like your dreams
That star isn’t necessarily dead. Stars are incredibly huge and old.
Just like your mother.
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When I was a kid I didn't know the difference...
Needless to say, this made ‘trespassers will be prosecuted signs’ very confusing.
Jayden is a good dude.
ratsandthieves:
I bought him Amnesia on Steam for Christmas.
He just gifted me back Killing Floor.
We are clearly an online couple now.
Right? Right.
We’re the greatest Tumblr power couple or whatever you crazy kids are calling it now days.
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I spend the majority of today laying on a hammock, drinking beer and eating all the ham in the world.
Somehow I managed to lose my phone in between that.
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How I Wrap Christmas Presents
christmasrocksmysocks:
peoplesaytimesfly:
1. Accept that the present does not belong to you
2. Find socially acceptable christmas paper
3. Cut off way too much paper
4. By folding and squishing and taping, present somehow ends up wrapped
5. Put a bow on because bitches love bows
6. Sit and be smug
Oh god I just remembered this existed.
Anonymous asked: what's marxisforbros facebook?
Anonymous asked: I really shouldn't. I honestly suck at rhyming. One of my worst qualities. You on the other hand, should be a panda. ;)
Anonymous asked: You're cute.
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I started watching Games of Thrones tonight.
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Working in a deli during Christmas is really...
I’ve cooked around 50 chickens so far.
Anonymous asked: I appreciate your honesty and bluntness.
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One of my favourite hobbies is going to pop...
Jonathan Ames on the cancellation of Bored to... →
ratsandthieves:
This is just ridiculous. I don’t understand how I live in a world where comedies like How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory survive season after season on the same couple of jokes while comedies with clever writing are constantly getting cancelled and suspended in their third seasons.
Because Bored to Death is dark, weird and doesn’t deliver cheesy one liners with a...
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Now it hurts to move my neck.
This is somewhat genuinely concerning now.
I fell off my longboard for the first time in ages...
Both my elbows were covered in blood. I washed it all off and I’m fine except I don’t have full movement in my left arm. I don’t think I hit my head so I don’t hgash ha gfdssacramentofgds oyibananasaewqr
Anonymous asked: What's the time in Australia right now?
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Anonymous asked: That guy is probably just going to use that money for alcohol.
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A guy was asking around for change at central and...
Hopefully attractive girls saw me and swooned over my generosity and obvious wealth.
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Translink.com.au sounds like a transexual dating...
Unfortunately it’s just the public transport site.
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I bought my Dad the new Stephen King book for...
In other words, I have until Christmas to read the new Stephen King book.
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/r/games has a Steam coupon trading thread. →
I just got 33% of a Valve game by some generous fellow. Alternatively, you can just give your unwanted codes to me. I mean, it’s your choice, whatever.
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I was using a tennis ball to play fetch with my dog. I decided to throw a soccer ball just to mess with her and she started kicking the ball and brought it back to me.
My dog is amazing.
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Anonymous asked: why were you picked on at school?
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Kim Jong Il is dead y'all →
Looks like my North Korean holiday is back in the books. Gonna get my tan on.
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We're looking after my Nannas cat for 5 weeks, so...
I dry my work uniform in the living room. It’s completely covered it cat hair.