My states police facebook feed is pretty consistently amazing.
What do you call it when you betray a tree? Treeson.
A lesbian couple with two pugs on grand designs are building a house with a wine cellar and pool on a Victorian country property. Someone has incepted me, found my 15 year plan and made a show out of it.
Earlier today this one girl was talking about how racism only happens if you’re too sensitive and that words are just words and that rather than being offended by how dismissive of the experiences of people who deal with racism she was being, you should just be like her and not let it affect you. Then she announced that she was going to smoke a bowl and watch this week’s Game of Thrones and not care about any of this
Having just started A Feast For Crows earlier last week I went ahead and spoiled the next two seasons of Game of Thrones for her but don’t worry! It’s okay, words only have the meaning you give them so she can just conveniently forget who any of the characters are forever and it’ll be fine
History always repleats. History is very serious about ironing.
In life I always look out for número uno. My Spanish exchange student. He’s a good guy but needs a little help adjusting to a new country.
This is basically what I fear will happen if I ever try to tell jokes on a stage to people.
I also feel like an asshole when I say I want to be a comedian. Like who am I to think I’m funny enough to get paid to tell jokes. You think you’re better than me? Don’t want to get a real job? Just want to tell your little funnies on a stage?! That’s not how the real world works! Get a job, loser!
(Source: ericjudysbeard)
After a really weird conversation with the guy at the music store I now know that a metronome is NOT a really well dressed gnome.
I was practicing bass and got bored because bass is boring and decided to snapchat shitty bass riffs to people but forgot you needed to hold the record button for snapchat so I put my phone on the floor, took my sock off and recorded with my big toe. That’s all well and good but now my right foot is freezing and I can’t remember where I put the sock.
